May, 2003

May 4, 2003

Today's Domestic Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

Unlikely Ways To Die #24124: Death By Washing Machine

A 12-year-old boy was strangled when his sweater got caught in a washing machine at his apartment complex. Deshaw Young was found in the building's laundry room Sunday afternoon (January 26, 2003) by his mother, who went to check on him after he went to put clothes in a machine and failed to return. The washer's moving machinery twisted the boy's sweater and strangled him. He was taken to University Hospital in Newark, where he was pronounced dead.

Culled from: The Associated Press
Generously donated by: Neil Langdon Inglis

**********************************************************************

For some reason, when I read this an image of an animated washing machine with an evil grin on its face saying, "You forgot THIS ONE!" and grabbing the sweater came to mind. I suppose this could only mean that the long-awaited schizophrenia is FINALLY kicking in!

Oh, and yeah yeah yeah to the fact that I typoed on the year on the last fact. Of course I meant 2002, as I am no Miss Cleo. And I say that while standing upright (well, as upright as a hunch-backed, disfigured old Comtesse can stand) and looking defiant. I'll fix it in the archives, so you won't fret any longer...

And guess what? I survived another Deathday. Yes, yesterday (May 3rd) was the day I once dreamt that I would die. This year, lightning struck just around the corner at around 10 p.m. on the 2nd while I was walking through downtown Augusta, and I thought that perhaps that would be the way it would happen. Struck by lightning, lingering in a coma until just after midnight on May 3rd - yes, that would be dramatic! But of course nothing that exciting ever happens to me, so instead the lightning avoided me and I drove home alive.

So, I guess you'll have to suffer through my existence for another year at least. Such a pity...

************

Morbid Sightseeing!

For those of you in the D.C. area - or with the urge to travel there - a cool exhibit is currently on display at the National Library of Medicine through July 31st. It's called Dream Anatomy and it features early anatomical drawings and models. Looks pretty fascinating based on the excellent website gallery!

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/dreamanatomy/

Special thanks to Kim for the heads-up.

************

Morbid Read Du Jour!

Death: The Trip Of A Lifetime
by Greg Palmer (DIANE Publishing Co.)

Recommended by Jools:

"The first line on the back of the book says it all: 'Who said the Reaper has to be grim?' This delightfully different 'travelogue' follows one man's quest to discover how people everywhere cope with the incontrovertible fact of death. A laugh-a-minute examination of death rituals and customs around the world and throughout time. One imagines the writer with a smile curled constantly on his lips, even as he writes of vampires, near-death experiences, suicide, burial methods, heaven and hell. With chapter names like 'Deathstyles of the Rich and Famous' and 'Getting Rid of the Body,' how can you go wrong? This guy is hilarious, and at the same time imparts a lot very interesting and, most importantly, non-fictional information."

Sounds like a fun read!

************

"My Friend's Younger Brother's Brush With Morbidity" by Kate

"He had been staying with his friends in this house for a while, until he ran out of cash, and then he moved back home. (He was about 18.) He had to get something he had forgotten in the friends' house, and so he went back to it, but the door was locked, and no one answered the bell. He decided to just go ahead and climb in the broken window into his friend's (let's call him Eric) room, because that's what they all did if they forgot their keys.

"He climbed in the window, landed on the bed, and discovered he was laying next to a dead girl. Apparently she had been there for a bit as she was kind of swollen and unattractive. He got out of the room, and called the police. The police showed up and got the body out of the room
(after a whole lot of trouble for "why are you here? where's your key?" kind of stuff).

"He was kind of shaken up over the whole thing and upset. Waited for the other guy to come back, and to find Eric. Turns out that Eric was dead in the garage, and no one knew it. When the friend got there, they discovered that Eric had gone ahead and killed his girlfriend (it was strangulation) and then went and gassed himself in his car. No one knew that he had done it, because no one had really been checking up on him. Apparently the girl had been dead for a few days, and Eric had been living in the room with her until he finally couldn't stand it anymore and killed himself.

"Needless to say, they called the police back to report Eric's death."

ChaseMice2003 breathes a sigh of relief: "thank goodness she was 'unattractive' ..... it was so much more less tempting! LOL"

the muse is a skeptic: "wait a minute, we're supposed to believe that the cops are going to be called to a house with a dead girl in it and not think to search the rest of the house for the 'missing' boyfriend?? would he not be the obvious suspect, if not the guy who just 'broke in' to this house? c'mon now. what year did this happen? it would seem pretty safe to assume this girl was relatively young (being that she was dating an 18 year old's friend...i'm guessing there's not much of an age difference), so wouldn't her death be a *little* suspicious? what happened to crime scene tape and scouring the scene for clues? they missed the whole garage area?? either this isn't the whole story, or the story is bull."

May 17, 2003

Today's Sexy Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

Mr. A's 68-year-old mother found him collapsed on the couch in urine-soaked pants. She called an ambulance which rushed him to the hospital. When they examined him for his "fever, chills, and problem urinating," the doctors discovered his gangrenous scrotum swollen to the size of a grapefruit and urine oozing out of the rotted tissue at the base of his penis. An x-ray showed a 10.5-centimeter long metal cylinder lodged there. The treatment? Immediate amputation of the penis and scrotum. They were able to save the right testicle, though, which they transferred to his thigh. Eventually, Mr. A revealed the specifics of how that metal tube got there. Since the age of 14 he'd been inserting plastic or vinyl tubes into his penis while masturbating. He discovered about 12 years before the hospitalization that the chrome casing of a tire pressure gauge makes an excellent sex toy, especially when lubed up with Vaseline. He used this toy without incident for about 5 years, until it got lost in his bladder. There it stayed for 7 years until it migrated down into his scrotum.

Culled from: The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 46:12, Dec 1997
by way of Masturbation Horror Stories
Special thanks to Nagai for the link!

**********************************************************************

Okay, I think they need to check this guy's basement and back yard very closely. This tale reminds me of Albert Fish's proclivity for sticking needles in his scrotum. Yes, this guy's definitely a serial killer. Definitely.

Avi offers insight: "As a budding urologist, I have to say this one is intriguing. I have learned to write off tales of vag/anal cramming as mere folklore (see
http://www.onion.com/onion3605/cram_in_my_anus.html for more details) but after seeing with my own eyes the effective limitlessness of man's lust for
autoerotic pleasure in the emergency room of boston medical center I am now inclined to believe anything. My concern, however, is still one of anatomy, depending on the size/radius of the metal rod in question, and barring any obvious asymmetries (e.g Lambda Chi Alpha carved into one side, or maybe a relief
of the visage of our own comtesse) I cannot help thinking that perhaps this foreign body might have found its way to be most comfortable in the bladder. The anatomy of the urethra goes something like this (distal to proximal): External penile urethra, internal penile urethra, prostatic urethra. then one can either turn sharply and head for the seminal vesicles, the epidydimus and the testes (the latter 2 being in the scrotum), or head straight into the bladder. my preference would be for the bladder.

"but what I really can't help wondering is why did the surgeon in question spare one testicle? After losing a teste, scrotum, and his all-powerful shlong, I wonder what use he may still have for his remaining teste? Without much to do with it, and he is certainly in no need of its hormone secreting properties at his age (mom is 68?), I wonder why they might have taken the trouble to implant it in his leg-- abdomen would have been much more appropriate anyways. In effect, an implanted teste would have little other purpose than to become cancerous and need to be removed. And haven't his testicles caused enough trouble?"

*******

You probably thought I'd died or something, huh? Well, you should remember that nothing that exciting ever happens to me. I'm just busy, busy, busy. You'll be quite relieved to know that this job which has been consuming my life for the last six months ends in three weeks. After that, I should have a nice slow summer where I can refocus myself on this newsletter, and hopefully redeem myself for the neglect I've shown over the past few months. I hope you understand that Life Happens sometimes, and don't all desert me, because I don't think you'll be disappointed in the (near) future.

*******

Morbid Flick Du Jour!

I just finished watching Donnie Darko and I must agree with everyone's raves about this film. What a great movie! If you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you pick it up as soon as possible. You won't be disappointed - believe me. And I don't even think it's worth it to try to explain the plot - it's just too insane... but it's absolutely perfect as well. Definitely destined to be a cult classic. Trust me on this one.

Oh, and you've gotta love a movie that features great songs like "Love Will Tear Us Apart," "The Killing Moon," "Under the Milky Way," and "Mad World" in it.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005V3Z4/theasylumeclecti

*******

Morbid Trinket Du Jour!

Who among us does not love candles?
Who among us does not love darkness?
Hence, who among us would not love Dark Candles?

Certainly not I, as I sampled the Graveyard and Vampire Themes from this lovely store and found them to be most to my liking. The Vampire Collection is especially fine, with such wonderful scents as Lilith, Cain, Nosferatu, and Dracula to choose from. Definitely gets the Comtesse Stamp Of Approval!

 

Vulgarities...